Up, up, up...my life's spirit soars, as all around me, my life rises to new heights of great experiences...happiness, enveloping joy, and utter exhilaration! Then, in a split second, I plummet at lightening speed, to the depths of the stresses and utter depression, that life can weigh a body down with, at times. In the last few years of life, roller coasters describe how my life has jerked me from one extreme to another.
A few years ago, my life's cart almost derailed, as I spun out on a curve, whose rails threatened to release the roller coaster cars, into disastrous oblivion. I flew through one near catastrophic event after another, I found myself careening out of control. As I was falling, I realized that I needed to work through a lot of pain and sorrow, if I were to survive this plunge that could injure me beyond repair.
I spent months talking with a woman, who helped me see that I was completely empty. I had given and given, yet out of lack of time and extreme fatigue, I never spent time refilling myself, so I couldn't continue to give. I also had never experienced words of blessings bestowed upon me from family or others. Finally, I had never accepted myself as a worthy person, who is very talented, creative, intelligent and beautiful. Instead, I was the butt of jokes, verbally and mentally abused, and told I didn't belong. She helped me understand that the people who abuse others, with those kinds of words, are hurting so much, they feel they have to belittle others to make themselves feel better.
As I have spent time in my Bible, studying, praying and visiting with God, I have slowly felt my cart being steadied and slowly lifted back onto the track. In studying about the tabernacle, unsung heroes of the Bible, and just reading uplifting verses, God has revealed His word in a real way, which I have never experienced before. I have stood amazed at the depth of His word. Amazed at how everything in the Bible has meaning and how it is intricately woven together. He has given me a hunger and thirst for His word, that only He can satisfy. Thus, God has been refilling me with all His goodness, love, and belief that I am worth His love, forgiveness and I will always belong in His presence.
In looking back over my life, I came to the realization that my parents, although they loved me, never really blessed me or encouraged me. They talked at end, about how wonderful my brother was. They consistently told me I needed to work harder or practice more, without ever saying the words, "I'm proud of you" or "You did it!" I'm sure my parents meant well, but trying to live up to their perfect ideology, was more than any person could ever achieve. I did try to achieve that perfect ideal bar, that they had set far too high for me to ever reach. It has taken me most of my life to realize I don't have to be perfect, I can't be perfect. I have learned that even if my parents never blessed me, thought I was capable of accomplishing anything, or told me I had done a good job, God does bless me and supports me. He sees me as the creation that He made, when this world sees a worthless incapable person. Through all the twist and turns of this ride, I have become stronger, accomplished so many things I was told I would never be able to do, and independent of others, yet dependent on Him.
This is a journey, which is by no means complete, will more than likely have many more curves. I know, as I journey over the hills and valleys of life, God is there and rides this roller coaster with me. He will hold my hand, no matter whether I am grinning ear to ear, from the exhilaration of the mountain tops or screaming my lungs out, from the fear of flying with flailing arms into the deep valleys.
Wow, what a ride!!! Let's go again!!!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
College Entrance 101
The end of August, brought not only the start of a new life for my middle son, Brandyn, as a high school graduate, but also a memorable face to face experience with one of God's miracles.
Brandyn began dating Sarah in February. He decided at this point, that he wanted to attend Abilene Christian College. Up till then, I hadn't been able to motivate him to apply for college, even with the deadline looming. He made the May 1st deadline and was accepted to ACU for the spring semester, but would have to take courses at a junior college in the meantime.
Brandyn and Sarah had decided that they wanted to spend as much time as possible, before she was dropped off at ACU. After long discussions, we decided this would be the perfect time to make a college visit to ACU, so we began planning to make the trip with Sarah and her mother.
We left on Friday, Aug. 17th, driving the 7-7 1/2 hour drive to Abilene. Sarah's mom and I drove up in one car, loaded down with Sarah's soon to be dorm room, while Brandyn and Sarah drove Sarah's car, which was also loaded down. After we arrived, we settled into our hotel rooms and wondered over to see the campus. The next two days were busy with moving Sarah into her dorm and orientation.
Since we were staying until Tuesday and couldn't spend Monday or Tuesday with Sarah and her mother, I suggested to Brandyn that we might want to visit the other two universities in Abilene, just to keep our options open. Brandyn began to balk at this, but realized it was better than sitting in the hotel room all day, so we visited Hardin-Simmons first.
We walked in the doors at 10:30am on Monday, the 20th. After establishing that we didn't have an appointment, the young man at the desk found an admissions consultant to assist us. We spoke with her briefly and explained that we were just looking over the campus as a possibility for Brandyn to attend in the spring, with junior college hours. The woman told us that would make Brandyn a transfer student and she would have to get someone else to help us, unless Brandyn would like to attend this fall. I was shocked and asked her if they still had openings for the fall. She assured me they did, so Brandyn began the application process. He had previously filled gone through the Texas application process.
After the lady stepped out of her office to go check the fax machine, I told Brandyn, "If this is where God wants you to attend school, He will throw the doors so far open, you will fall in." Little did I know that was going to be an understatement.
Once the lady returned with the faxes of Brandyn's transcripts and other information, she handed him a letter of acceptance and the race was on to finish getting him everything he needed to get into college that day. We were sent to the Logsden Seminary Building, where we spoke with a professor/administrator about ministry and two scholarships. When we returned to the lady, she had acquired three other scholarships for Brandyn. We were then sent out to get Brandyn's meningitis shot and some lunch. While we were out, the lady was able to get the ten day waiting period for the meningitis shot waived. When we returned, she took us on a campus tour and to the housing department, where we acquired a dorm room. Then we made a trip over to the dorm, where we were able to see his room. His roommate was already moved in, but not present, when we arrived. We left the university at 4:30pm, with an acceptance letter, five scholarships, a dorm room and an overwhelming feeling that God had orchestrated the entire day.
We left after lunch on Tuesday and headed home with a happy Brandyn in the back seat and a very excited Sarah anticipating his return on Friday. Wednesday, was spent obtaining Brandyn's certification for ministry and buying everything he needed for his dorm room. Thursday, was spent washing clothes and Friday, the 24th, we hit the road again, headed back to Abilene. We moved Brandyn into his dorm room on Saturday, ate breakfast with Sarah and Brandyn on Sunday morning and then said our goodbyes.
What did we learn in College 101? First of all, never doubt or think anything is beyond God's care, whether big or small. Second, always keep your options open, because you never know where God will lead you. Third, miracles happen every day, even getting into college five days before classes begin.
A side note...I don't think I could have handled knowing Brandyn was going that far away for college, if he had been admitted half a year to a year ago. I believe God planned this, knowing that I would have a hard time, if I had to think about it. In the few short days that we had to get him ready, after Brandyn was accepted, I had no time to really dwell on his leaving.
All praise goes to an all loving, caring, giving God.
Brandyn began dating Sarah in February. He decided at this point, that he wanted to attend Abilene Christian College. Up till then, I hadn't been able to motivate him to apply for college, even with the deadline looming. He made the May 1st deadline and was accepted to ACU for the spring semester, but would have to take courses at a junior college in the meantime.
Brandyn and Sarah had decided that they wanted to spend as much time as possible, before she was dropped off at ACU. After long discussions, we decided this would be the perfect time to make a college visit to ACU, so we began planning to make the trip with Sarah and her mother.
We left on Friday, Aug. 17th, driving the 7-7 1/2 hour drive to Abilene. Sarah's mom and I drove up in one car, loaded down with Sarah's soon to be dorm room, while Brandyn and Sarah drove Sarah's car, which was also loaded down. After we arrived, we settled into our hotel rooms and wondered over to see the campus. The next two days were busy with moving Sarah into her dorm and orientation.
Since we were staying until Tuesday and couldn't spend Monday or Tuesday with Sarah and her mother, I suggested to Brandyn that we might want to visit the other two universities in Abilene, just to keep our options open. Brandyn began to balk at this, but realized it was better than sitting in the hotel room all day, so we visited Hardin-Simmons first.
We walked in the doors at 10:30am on Monday, the 20th. After establishing that we didn't have an appointment, the young man at the desk found an admissions consultant to assist us. We spoke with her briefly and explained that we were just looking over the campus as a possibility for Brandyn to attend in the spring, with junior college hours. The woman told us that would make Brandyn a transfer student and she would have to get someone else to help us, unless Brandyn would like to attend this fall. I was shocked and asked her if they still had openings for the fall. She assured me they did, so Brandyn began the application process. He had previously filled gone through the Texas application process.
After the lady stepped out of her office to go check the fax machine, I told Brandyn, "If this is where God wants you to attend school, He will throw the doors so far open, you will fall in." Little did I know that was going to be an understatement.
Once the lady returned with the faxes of Brandyn's transcripts and other information, she handed him a letter of acceptance and the race was on to finish getting him everything he needed to get into college that day. We were sent to the Logsden Seminary Building, where we spoke with a professor/administrator about ministry and two scholarships. When we returned to the lady, she had acquired three other scholarships for Brandyn. We were then sent out to get Brandyn's meningitis shot and some lunch. While we were out, the lady was able to get the ten day waiting period for the meningitis shot waived. When we returned, she took us on a campus tour and to the housing department, where we acquired a dorm room. Then we made a trip over to the dorm, where we were able to see his room. His roommate was already moved in, but not present, when we arrived. We left the university at 4:30pm, with an acceptance letter, five scholarships, a dorm room and an overwhelming feeling that God had orchestrated the entire day.
We left after lunch on Tuesday and headed home with a happy Brandyn in the back seat and a very excited Sarah anticipating his return on Friday. Wednesday, was spent obtaining Brandyn's certification for ministry and buying everything he needed for his dorm room. Thursday, was spent washing clothes and Friday, the 24th, we hit the road again, headed back to Abilene. We moved Brandyn into his dorm room on Saturday, ate breakfast with Sarah and Brandyn on Sunday morning and then said our goodbyes.
What did we learn in College 101? First of all, never doubt or think anything is beyond God's care, whether big or small. Second, always keep your options open, because you never know where God will lead you. Third, miracles happen every day, even getting into college five days before classes begin.
A side note...I don't think I could have handled knowing Brandyn was going that far away for college, if he had been admitted half a year to a year ago. I believe God planned this, knowing that I would have a hard time, if I had to think about it. In the few short days that we had to get him ready, after Brandyn was accepted, I had no time to really dwell on his leaving.
All praise goes to an all loving, caring, giving God.
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