Roller Coasters of Life

Up, up, up...my life's spirit soars, as all around me, my life rises to new heights of great experiences...happiness, enveloping joy, and utter exhilaration!  Then, in a split second, I plummet at lightening speed, to the depths of the stresses and utter depression, that life can weigh a body down with, at times.  In the last few years of life, roller coasters describe how my life has jerked me from one extreme to another.

A few years ago, my life's cart almost derailed, as I spun out on a curve, whose rails threatened to release the roller coaster cars, into disastrous oblivion.  I flew through one near catastrophic event after another, I found myself careening out of control.  As I was falling, I realized that I needed to work through a lot of pain and sorrow, if I were to survive this plunge that could injure me beyond repair.

I spent months talking with a woman, who helped me see that I was completely empty.  I had given and given, yet out of lack of time and extreme fatigue, I never spent time refilling myself, so I couldn't continue to give.  I also had never experienced words of blessings bestowed upon me from family or others.  Finally, I had never accepted myself as a worthy person, who is very talented, creative, intelligent and beautiful.  Instead, I was the butt of jokes, verbally and mentally abused, and told I didn't belong.  She helped me understand that the people who abuse others, with those kinds of words, are hurting so much, they feel they have to belittle others to make themselves feel better.

As I have spent time in my Bible, studying, praying and visiting with God, I have slowly felt my cart being steadied and slowly lifted back onto the track.   In studying about the tabernacle, unsung heroes of the Bible, and just reading uplifting verses, God has revealed His word in a real way, which I have never experienced before.  I have stood amazed at the depth of His word.  Amazed at how everything in the Bible has meaning and how it is intricately woven together.  He has given me a hunger and thirst for His word, that only He can satisfy.  Thus, God has been refilling me with all His goodness, love, and belief that I am worth His love, forgiveness and I will always belong in His presence.

In looking back over my life, I came to the realization that my parents, although they loved me, never really blessed me or encouraged me.  They talked at end, about how wonderful my brother was.  They consistently told me I needed to work harder or practice more, without ever saying the words, "I'm proud of you" or "You did it!"  I'm sure my parents meant well, but trying to live up to their perfect ideology, was more than any person could ever achieve.  I did try to achieve that perfect ideal bar, that they had set far too high for me to ever reach.  It has taken me most of my life to realize I don't have to be perfect, I can't be perfect.  I have learned that even if my parents never blessed me, thought I was capable of accomplishing anything, or told me I had done a good job, God does bless me and supports me.  He sees me as the creation that He made, when this world sees a worthless incapable person.  Through all the twist and turns of this ride, I have become stronger, accomplished so many things I was told I would never be able to do, and independent of others, yet dependent on Him.

This is a journey, which is by no means complete, will more than likely have many more curves. I know, as I journey over the hills and valleys of life, God is there and rides this roller coaster with me.  He will hold my hand, no matter whether I am grinning ear to ear, from the exhilaration of the mountain tops or screaming my lungs out, from the fear of flying with flailing arms into the deep valleys.

Wow, what a ride!!!  Let's go again!!!